There is an environment which I love the most, a place I travel to daily & offers me hours of freedom, challenging me & growing me as a person to become better. Within this environment I experienced a life changing event, something I have not dealt with before, something that I did not know how to deal with, something that meant I was out of control.
Being out of control is one of my biggest triggers for me to fall unwell & depressed. The last couple of weeks have been filled with severe headaches, misery, tiredness, with hopeless thoughts & my medication was not helping me overcome this. I had to accept that I was loosing control & time to accept my old enemy ANXIETY was back. Fundamentally, I was out of control & sometimes in life you can think you have everything figured out, then one day you will have the carpet ripped from underneath your feet.
When this happens, I become afraid of my own mind, I do not like my mind as it stakes up problems that do not exist, I am praying & lying in my bed for everything to slow down, shaking with sickness, unable to keep awake as when I do sleep it is peaceful until the nightmares begin. I want to let go but yet the mind tells me there is comfort in the panic & I just drive myself crazy & everything is heavy & draining.
Let’s smile again, be free & embrace a new surrounding
In these difficult times I must remember that I am strong & fiercely independent. This anxiety is clouding me from the opportunities & the exciting new path (It can be difficult to see, be open minded) is taking you towards a new journey. I need to open my eyes & in order to do this, I need to feel free. To feel free for me is to travel.
In order to break free from anxiety you need to break free from the surroundings that encourage this fucker to come along in the first place. It’s like the shitty spider that crawls out from your sofa & runs along the living room floor, or the crappy wasps which ruin your lunch in the sun, you need to get out & gain control, not to stand there in panic & despair.
ASAP find what you love to do, find what helps you break free, what touches your soul & changes your thought patterns. For me it’s travel & taking pictures to express how free I am, creating memories to look back & show me that in the most difficult times, you were free then & can be free again. You are an artist in life, express yourself when you are depressed, some like to paint, some like to read, some like to just be by themselves, singing in the mirror with a hair brush, listening to lyrics of which change your thoughts patterns.
Eye opener city of Marrakesh
The best way to explain Marrakesh is that its the most peaceful yet intense city I have ever been too. Marrakesh offers extreme sights of culture, smells and sounds, which initially are a shock & then it all grows on you.
Hustle & bustle of Marrakesh
Walking the streets are the most intense, being 2 blonde girls this was a hugely challenging experience. The men looked at us like gold dust & almost every male we walked past made the weirdest comments.
Here are some:
“ooo Lady Gaga”
“OMG I love you, be with me”
“I can get good camels for you”
“Beautiful, so beautiful”
“Likey, likey, give me your thighs”
“Nice bum, I want you”
“Some weed, alcohol, bum sex”
& the list goes on, with comments I simply can not repeat. I will say that despite the intensity of these men, they did not touch you & in fact most of the time wanted to help you find your way & often welcome you to the city.
Ladies, you are totally safe but be careful to not entertain them. At all times walk past locals who offer you food, excursions, directions etc when you do not need them & just firmly say “No thank you, we are okay” & ensure you smile. They will leave you alone & there is no need to be scared at all.
The main square is where the markets are, they are called Souks. This square is the most extraordinary with a lot going on & is where the real hustle & bustle is. The smell is strong, the atmosphere is crazy all through the day & most of the night. The market stalls are placed all over which fill the narrow streets with everyone trying to grab your attention, enjoy & make sure you barter.
Tranquility of Marrakesh
The other side to this wonderful city offers peace & paradise like no other. These settings can mostly be found in the Riads (hotels to us), upmarket restaurants & spa’s, or taking yourself out of the city to the countryside.
Our hotel was a place of sanctuary, whenever we left we deeply looked forward to getting back to the welcoming hotel staff, resting stress free in the most iconic of Moroccan decor.
This post is to share an insight in how I break free from severe anxiety attacks. Try to not let anxiety take you away from you living your life.
Please contact me if you have any questions or want to learn more about my experiences with depression.
Thank you for reading …